Thursday, November 10, 2005

Loyalty and Commitment vs. Great (Nice) Guy

Pardon the issue of conversation but I almost have to talk about this. Almost. Most of you who read this blog (all 3 of you, thanks, I love you all) know me to some extent. Some definately more than other. You also know that I have many problems. Perhaps the most glaring is the fact that I am not typically what people would consider a nice guy (for the most part). Why does this matter? Well, I want to defend the defenseless; guys that have no sensitive (or perceived) bone anywhere around them. You know the guy that can't seem to say anything right. The controversial that offends to many people. Yeah, I am sure you will say that is all one person and you are right, it is.

But somewhere, in the mist of everything, many people don't give those guys a chance to get to know them. I would be the first to admit that I judge a lot of people by thier cover and many people have shocked me by who they really are once I get to know them. Some people that I lived with were gone 2 or 3 years before I began to respect them for who they are. If you look around, most of those guys that have weaknesses in the sensitive areas are often the most loyal and commited friends you can ever have. For all of you that I have treated unfavourably and came to figure out who you really were, I am truly sorry for judging you.

Many of you will become great parents who are so commited and do what you have to w/o regards to negative perceptions about you. My father is a great example. My Dad was never the most sensitive person I knew or the most "loving." From when I grew up till just a few weeks ago, I never believed my father had a tear duct anywhere in his body. But, my father sacrificed a lot for all his kids and his relatives. My dad worked a lot so that his kids can have what he never had, a College Education. Now he has 3 kids that have college degrees and one more on the way. My father has given more of his time and financial resources even to people that have wronged. My father has been loyal and commited all his life. Sure we hardly hug or tell stories about dancing in the moonlight, but he is the kind of guy that when your life is on the line, you can call him and say "I need help" and he will be there before you can say "Hey, nice guy."

A friend of mine with an equal experience told me about his own story. He dad wasn't the most successful guy and during a formative period of the lives of his kids, he had to take a second job bringing his working hours every week to over 80. That he did for 6 years. On his death bed, my friend asked him, "Where you fulfiled in all that you tried to accomplish in those 6 years." Looking puzzled, he answer was, "What? Fulfilled? I did what I had to do."

I am sure a person can be both commited and nice and I ain't making excuses for anyone. Many of these guys try throughout thier life time to change people's perceptions but in case they never quite get there before they die, at least on thier dying beds, they can say, "I did all that was needed to be done. I did what I had to."


andrea said...

We love you too ;-)

I was talking to a couple of guys the other day about the whole "nice guy" thing and we pretty much concluded that it's a euphemism for weak men without character. The last thing the world needs right now is more "nice guys." We need more men like our dads who live principled lives and are willing to sacrifice their own comfort for the sake of taking care of their families. Not to say, of course, that men of character can't also be warm, caring individuals who are comfortable expressing love for people with their words as well as their character. And just for the record, I'm convinced that you have one or two sensitive bones in your body-they're like a secret weapon-carefully hidden until absolute necessity! :-)

Ugo said...

I will be the first to admit that there can be a balance and that I haven't attained that yet. However, I do believe you teach sensitivity to what limited degree there can be. At least you can increase awareness. Commitment is hard to teach, it is something you live out. As for sensitive bones in my body, that makes one person that believes but you are in the far minority.

Michael said...

Hey man! Just wanted to let you know I'm reading your blog!

Ugo said...

Wooohooo!!! Another convert. Good to have you Michael