Bring your parents to work day!

Actually that's what Amy and I are calling it.

As I mentioned during my last post, my in-laws are in town to visit. It's been a pleasure having them around and I don't say this because I know they will read this but because it is true.

I have the best in-laws. They are loving, caring and very down to earth.  

Every since I moved to the states as a 16 year old, Chris and Mary (Amy's parents) have really been like parents to me. What's great is that our relationship existed before any romance (yeah, I said it) between Amy and I. So please hold you in-law jokes and spite because I certainly don't share those feelings and I count it a privilege...honestly.

Now back to the visit. Monday was basically a rest day for them (I hope). It is our goal to shield them from any sour parts of living here and only expose them to the good.

I'm sure we are bound to fail.

The good thing is that there's a lot of good so hopefully, it all overshadows the not-so-good and so far so good. I believe I just set a record with the number of "good" in one sentence.

On Tuesday, we took them around VI which included your routine stops at the mall, and other grocery stores. I want to make sure that they are well fed while here. After that, we relaxed to dinner (at home) and a movie.

Wednesday was a little more low key. Amy and I came home from work early and caught a movie (again, at home). After dinner, the girls went to bed while Chris watched the first half of the Arsenal Everton match with me.

Arsenal won!

That brings us to today. We debated exposing them to the roads by taking the car to work. Too risky. Boat it was then.

While on the waterways, I asked my father-in-law if he was interested in water front property. He laughed. I think that was a polite way of declining. 

You need a little imagination

We are here (at work). We will do a tour at some point once I am done with my morning reports. I await some data to do that so Amy, when you read this, I have an excuse :).

I hope to introduce them to Tyson...if s/he has the time.

This is one of those times where a more exciting profession would have helped i.e. something with gizmo or gadgets to show off to them.

I have a computer, calculators, germ-x and numerous excel spreadsheets. Wait, I have...no, that it.

Loser.

Chris and Mary did ask to see a day in the life of an accountant here. I asked if they wanted to eat at the local canteen as well. They said yes.

However, I noticed that sandwiches were made as back up. Smart.

I hope things go well. I know most of my coworkers will be nice to them. I guess if anything out of the ordinary happens, I might share.

Might.

Well, my reports are in. I better get back to work.

FIGHT!!! (Reader's Discretion is Advised)

*Warning* The following blog post contains description of actual events of the characters involved. It contains violence of a graphic nature and as such readers' discretion is advised."

Okay, the violence got your attention, didn't it? We will get to that.

In my last post (if it's your first time, I apologize now for wasting your time), I mentioned that we try to get to work as often as possible using the water ways as opposed to the roads due to the unbelievable traffic condition.

I believe I also mentioned about the kind of drama you see on the side of the road. Last week, I became part of that drama. We will get to that.

First though, did I mention that Nigerians can sleep anywhere? How about this number (spotted on my ride to work last week)...

How about a nap? Where? Here? Yes. Okay.

Okay, now to the initial premise of this blog. I am stalling if you can't tell. I am not sure why.

I'm not proud of everything I am about to write about but I feel like I should be honest about who I am. I am not perfect but my daily goal is to work towards perfection like Christ preached that we should.

However if you've known much about me in the last decade, I pride myself in staying even keel. I don't get too high or too low. Amy on the other hand embarrasses the entire spectrum of emotions and Lagos can easier move your dial either way.

So all week, we had been bracing the roads which meant late nights at the office waiting for traffic to die down. And each day that went by, my agitation level began to rise.

I managed to keep everything under control. I thought I was doing a good job but everything was annoying...more than usual. Traffic, the heat, personalities, coworkers, superiors, subordinates, vendors, my phone constantly ringing, the fact that the Irish Embassy can't process my visa fast enough...

You get the point. Thursday night, we tried to leave work around 6.30...we spent about 2 hours and only got as far as 100 yards...no exaggeration.

We went back to the office. We tried leaving again at 11.30pm...we went further...200 yards but not we couldn't turn back.

We then spend almost 2 hours on the same spot before we could keep moving. Inside, I worried about Amy's safety. I sat in front to make sure I was alert if anyone approached the vehicle. We'd been warned that robberies were on the rise.

We got home sometime after 1am and went straight to bed. It's okay. It's Friday, I thought.

Friday, we took our time getting to work and again we had to brace the roads. It's the middle of the afternoon. How bad could traffic be?

We got to same spot by the facility and faced intense traffic as well. But I was calm as usual so I thought. And then it happened.

A gentleman who apparently was tasked with helping the traffic situation instead turned into a school yard bully and was yelling at everyone and hitting their cars with what I thought was a stick. It got me upset.

Nigerians can be passionate and some let whatever ounce of power get to their heads. Kenneth our driver, rolled his window down to inform this guy of our intentions and he turned his aggression to Kenneth and start hitting the car with the "stick" in his hand.

I was mad.

I said to him to stop hitting the car. He responded he was going to break the windshield and then start hitting Kenneth with the stick. At that point, I lost it. With the car still rolling, I jumped out of and in milliseconds, I was giving this guy a piece of my mind as calmly as I could (not very calm but I was trying).

Then he put his hand in my face and I took it down gently and told him not to do that and he did it again and asked what I was going to do. At this point I had become Lagos drama,

I slapped his hand and he raised it again to me, now I grabbed his head and his fellow traffic guy rushed to his aid to pull me away and other bystanders started holding me back. He recovered himself and took his "stick" and hit me in the back with it as people pulled me away.

It was cardboard. And I felt sorry for the guy. He came to a fight with a piece of paper.

The next thing I see is this petite white girl throwing herself into the midst and yanking the paper out of his hand ready to fight him.

"GET BACK IN THE CAR!" I wanted to say. I didn't get a chance because, Kenneth jumps into the fray. Too many people are holding me back at this point and a police officer begged me to calm down.

What has happened to me?

One word...Lagos.

Things calmed down shortly after that. Every evil side in me wished that I wasn't held back so that I could pour all my frustration on him. Thankfully (looking back), it didn't escalate past that.

As we walked back to the car, I noticed that I had a 6 inch scratch across my chest that I must have acquired in the process of being dragged away. Amy had a hole poked him her shirt and suffered a couple of scratches. We have pictures.

We found out later that the same traffic guy got into it with an off duty navy officer only a few minutes after we walked away. The navy officer wasn't as gracious as I was, I heard.

Told my siblings (who are all living I presume comfortably in the States). My older said I need a break. My sister in law was shocked.

I will say this...had I known, it was just paper not a stick he was using on the car and my driver, I would never have come it. It is company property and I feel responsible for it. I guess I can't stand it when people abuse power.

This is a new week. I don't think I will be getting into any scuffles. How do I know? Well, we used a boat this morning and I was told, regular service will commence this week.

*An important side note* Amy's parents made it in safely yesterday to spend a few weeks with us. So glad to have their company but not as glad as Amy...especially when the following came out of their suitcases. 

Goodies

The Curious Case of Tyson the Lonely Chicken

I have been spoiled. For most of the last month, we've been boating it to work. Takes about 10 - 15 minutes and it isolates us from the madness that is Lagos traffic.

The other person that like this arrangement is Kenneth, our driver. He basically shows up and crashes in his BQ till quitting time. The life!

Today though, due to extenuating circumstances, we had to go by road and let me say this, I was a little agitated. Traffic! One thing I did miss though is the random drama you just see on the roads. I won't go into the graphic details.

Among the many things we saw this morning was a guy who appeared to be showing off his gut. I took a picture. Amy asked why.

"I don't know," I replied.

In an earlier blog, I talked about how seemingly boring my life is as an accountant. I want to emphasize something though; I am truly grateful to God for everything he's given me including a great family and church that pray for me consistently and very importantly a wife who can stand me.

As far as my life, I like it and occasionally, I find ways to spice it up.

Recently, to break the monotony of sitting in front of a computer screen, I began taking walks around the premises (it's pretty large). It takes about 7 - 10 minutes to walk to Amy's office or to the main building and since I am getting fat, I figure it will reduce the fat building rate.

*Caution* If the title hasn't scared you away yet, you might be interested in the story from this point.

Two weeks ago on one of my walks, I spotted this guy...

At first, I wondered if s/he was the owner of the bike or looking to move it. Then I realized, s/he was probably like me...trying to get some sweat on.

I debated asking someone to get rid of him/her but I thought to myself, s/he probably stumbled into here and will eventually wonder back out.

Then early last week...

So much confidence

I thought to myself, how can this chicken survive this place?! We have tractors and trailers and cars zipping through this premises not to mention the millions of liters of petroleum products being dispensed into these vehicles. How can this guy survive.

Amy and I decided to give "it" a name.

Tyson the lonely chicken.

I got to tell you this, running into Tyson daily brings a smile to my face.

I can't believe I am talking about a chicken here. 

On Thursday, I came to work as usual. I didn't see Tyson all day. Friday, the same thing. I feared the worst.

Fowl Play.

The Suspects

Who would want to hurt Tyson? Many of my coworkers had taken a liking to Tyson OR to mocking Tyson.

Alas! All mourning of Tyson appeared to be premature! As I stepped off the boat Monday morning, I saw Tyson and this time, he was anything but alone.

Tyson, not so alone anymore

All is well (except my brain of course). Later in the day, Tyson seemed calm and without a care in the world.

Up close and personal

I don't know how this story will end. I fear that Tyson might either die prematurely or mutate into a weird creature. Amy seems to think that death by cancer is most likely.

Another likely outcome of this story is that I might have to check myself into a mental facility.

If you are still reading by this point, you may have to check yourself in as well. But you'll do so knowing that I appreciate it.

Nigerians can sleep anywhere and at anytime

Not much outside of work goes on in my life during the week. And that's saying much about what I do. In fact not much goes on during the weekend either.

Amy marks time based on activities we have planned i.e. who's coming to visit, where are we visiting...those types of activities.

So the highlight of my week was when while visiting my parents, I was offered Nkwobi a.k.a. isi ewu a.ka. goat head. 

Two things you need to know about Nigerians (there are more than two things you need to know but work with me here) - They can sleep anywhere. I mean, drive around and you'll see people sleeping on bridges, park cars (on the the car not in!), benches by the highways.

The other thing you need to know is that no part of an animal deemed edible is wasted.

Back to the goat head brouhaha. It's not like this is my first time. In fact, I have had goat head once before but it's been over 10 years. I remembered liking it. This time (don't tell my parents), not so much. Sure parts of it tasted fine but I wasn't sure what I was eating.

It was fatty and gooey and at one point, the eye came up for consumption. I passed.

If you are brave and of course, if you can find the head of a goat somewhere at your local grocery store (and the many other local ingredients), here is a recipe.

My plate of "Goat-Head"

Now before I get criticized by any Nigerians reading this (I've been called "lost" many times), I will try it again...maybe not anytime soon but for sure, within the next 10 years.

As I mentioned before, Nigerians can sleep anywhere so I will take it upon myself to take pictures when I can of them doing just that. Here's the "Nigerians can sleep anywhere Picture of the Week!"

Sleeping on an Okada

This takes talent...to be able to balance a full body on the bike and have the hutzpah to fall asleep like that exposed to all the elements! Wow!

One more thing, if anyone from the Nigerian Embassy in Atlanta is reading this, could you pleasing stop dancing around and give my parents-in-law a visa? We would both much appreciate their pending visit. Their initials are CPS and MLS.