Lately, I have been feeling more like Cain than Abel, Esau than Jacob, Saul than David...basically, I have been feeling more like the villain and the worst is that as hard as I try, I can seem to get out of my own way.
I have been conversing with God or at least, I have been trying to and the scripture that came to my spirit was - Luke 11:4- Forgive us our sins; for we also forgive every one that is indebted to us. And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil.
And really that's where my head is...I don't want to be stuck in place like Cain, Esau and Saul were and so I asked God- "Please deliver me from evil!" And this was the response I got back- Gen :4v 6-7 So the LORD said to Cain, “Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it.”
"Lord, I am trying but this is the part I suck at. The part where I have to lay down my pride and admit that there is even a problem."
Now, that sounds crazy, right? Well, not if you know me. You see, I am not good at very many things but one thing I am good at is ignoring anything or anyone I don't like. It's not really the best way to live life but I have used it to successful (in my mind at least) get through problems, issues. If there is a problem, I ignore it. In fact, when I was a kid, I ignored a fractured leg for almost a week...a whole week till I couldn't walk any more...because of that decision, I spent 26 days on a hospital bed because I made it worse and a cast wouldn't do.
So this is me admitting where I've been the last few days.
"Lord, I am going to try my best to fix...no, to let you lay hold of me and have your way. But please in the mean time, lead me not into temptation and deliver me from evil especially while it's staring at me every time I look in the mirror."